Summer Ain’t All That

Can we start by addressing how redundant that apostrophe is? I mean, really! It’s not even close to being an actual abbreviation. Let’s be economic about our punctuation use, no?

Let’s move on. I’m a few weeks into my summer holiday now. I spent the final few weeks of term time filled with exam-induced anxiety, dreaming of the imminent calm of my summer calendar. Frankly, anything was more appealing than the relentless stress of May. May is the worst. Everything comes at once: exams, season finales, birthdays. Even the nice things are tarnished by their May-ness (I’m sorry, Mum’s birthday, even you). I don’t think I slept well for a month. Do you know what I’m like when I don’t sleep? If you do, call the helpline: 0800-IM-SORRY.

I just needed June to take away my pain. Oh June, what a huge disappointment you’ve been. I believed in you. I believed in us. I can’t even look at you right now. I’m too mad. No, not mad. Disappointed.

The post-exam period is an odd one. I frequently find myself waking up with a confused feeling of urgency, as though panicked by a lack of stress. That is somehow stressful to me. I understand nothing. It’s a very sudden change in my day-to-day schedule. I knew it was coming. It’s annual. But why does it just feel like I’m drifting? Oddly (or maybe not), I find myself missing uni. All of my friends have gone back home so it’s difficult to make social plans that don’t cost the earth. Creatively, I find myself struggling with a severe case of blank-page-a-phobia. I mean, those Word documents are so white. It’s blinding. Do you remember that episode of Friends when Ross has luminous teeth? It’s like that. Except worse. This was not the plan.

I’m hoping the weather improves as we get further into the summer because right now it seems like the sky is crying over my lack of productivity. It better do, I’ve organised a party that involves camping. I am barely okay with that in dry weather.  I live in a tourist town as well, so it just looks really sad. It looks unloved, like an impulse-bought hamster. On the bright side, the weather’s been so bad that my hermit-tendencies have gone relatively unnoticed. I don’t know what I want anymore. Yes, I do: productivity. That was a pipedream. That was folly.

Anyway, back to my novel…

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