All of the Stuff

Hello again, blog. It’s been far too long. Let’s catch up.

Since I got my job– oh, did I tell you I got a job? I got a job. Anyway, since I got a job, things have been very, very busy. On top of the having-to-go-to-work-everyday thing, I’ve also been working on redecorating my bedroom.

I started having pinsta dreams of a perfect white haven of clean lines and empty desks and minimalist chic. Ha! Oh, sweet, naïve, young Jessica. The reality is something of a nightmare. That’s dramatic but… seriously, it’s a nightmare.

Let me provide some context. I’m in the clear-out stage still. This has been my bedroom for 20 years. The last time it was redecorated was 10 years ago. My family have, to put it mildly, some – err – hoarding tendencies. There is SO. MUCH. STUFF.

Before all this, I was having scary fantasies about the stuff-laden walls gradually closing in on me as stuff, stuff and more stuff just piled up. The reality wasn’t much different, to be honest: at one point, the shelf over my bed collapsed under the weight of a thousand books. Which was terrifying. There was a brief second where I really thought my English degree might actually kill me.

Somebody call the TV show ‘Hoarders’ because, seriously, S.O.S.

It’s not me. I want it all gone. If I could have one superpower, I would want the ability to touch things and magic them gone. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of 20 years worth of stuff at once – especially when every time you throw something out, you have to answer anxious parent questions like, “But what if you need them at some point in the future?” (Kennedy, W., 2016, re: knickers) or “You’ve never even worn this, have you?” (also Kennedy, W., 2016, re: unwanted Christmas present that my past, present and future self all stand unified in rejecting).

Think of those white walls. Think of those white walls. Think of those white walls.

I feel genuinely weighed down by All of the Stuff. I find it an oppressive space. And it’s the only space I have. From books, DVDs, clothes, bags and CDs (remember them?) to my desk, drawers, wardrobe, futon and TV. It’s such slow progress to try and offload it all. I had a major breakthrough with the clothes this week thanks to my mother, but then I start on the next thing and once again my room’s looking worse than when I started.

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What is floor space? Yikes.

I have to keep reminding myself that eventually there won’t be a next thing. I just want to skip over this part so that I don’t have to live in piles anymore. I don’t even fantasise about the new furniture I’m getting, I fantasise about everything just being gone and having space again. A foreign concept.

I realise that this perhaps comes across like seriously privileged whining. Too much stuff? Pfft. That argument’s not without merit, but I will say that in this particular instance I believe the hoarding in my family is entirely founded in financial anxiety rather than extravagance. It’s like, ‘Oh, we can’t get rid of that! What if we sometimes need this bizarre, unnecessary item that no one really wants to touch because it’s so coated in dust?’

Instead of getting too bogged down in my messy reality, though, I’ve found some much needed escapism via my home décor Pinterest boards. I guess this is adulthood: lusting after chests of drawers and floral arrangements.

While I lie utterly exhausted on my bed after another clearing sesh, I choose to think about the endgame rather than attempt to remember what my carpet looks like (maybe a shade of blue?). So, suggestions welcome for space-saving storage solutions, reliable and sturdy furniture sourcing or the best Pinterest boards to follow for beautiful minimalist homeware. Hook me the hell up.

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